Where Dreams Come True

I had always thought that Disneyworld was a magical place where childhood dreams came true. I had visited Disney when I was two years old, but I really had no memory of it. When my friends and I began planning a senior trip, I immediately thought of Disneyworld as a great destination. It would be a fun and safe place where we could celebrate graduating high school and spend time together before we all went off to college. This was the first time I had been away without my family, and I was both excited and nervous about my friends and I taking the trip on our own. When we boarded the plane the Tuesday after graduation, we were all so excited. I was ready to relax and have fun with my friends. I never could have imagined that my trip would take a sour turn.
My first few days at Disney were great. My friends and I spent our days at the parks, acting like we were ten again. Our stomachs dropped on Tower of Terror, we went from zero to sixty on Rockin’ Roller Coaster, and we traveled the countries of the world at Epcot. I really felt like I was in another world, as Walt Disney intended. Thursday was the day we were going to the Magic Kingdom, and we were all excited. It was the biggest and best park, and we went to bed early the night before to get ready for a jam packed day. My friend went through our Disney information book, planning what rides we would go on first and what lines would be the longest. We wanted to make the best of our day at the Magic Kingdom and experience everything it had to offer.
We woke up early on Thursday to get to the park as soon as it opened. We rushed through breakfast, excited to get to the place we had all been anticipating. When we got off the bus, we walked through the gates and saw Cinderella’s castle. I felt like I was a little kid again, staring up in awe at the sparkling building. I didn’t have much time to marvel at the castle however, because we had to get over to our first ride before the line got long. We made our way to Big Thunder Mountain and decided to stop at the bathroom first. As I waited outside the bathroom for my friends, I looked at my cell phone and saw that I had two voicemails. I didn’t recognize the number and was confused at first. I put the phone to my ear to listen, not having any idea what I was about to hear.
The messages were from my boyfriend Nick’s mother, Donna. I thought it was very strange that she was calling me, so I knew that something must be wrong. I almost dropped the phone as I listened to her voice on the other line.
“Hi Hallie, it’s Donna,” she said. “Nick’s been in a really bad car accident. He wanted to talk to you before he went into surgery, but he’s pretty out of it now. Please don’t let this ruin your vacation and try to have fun. Call me back when you get this message, honey.”
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was a thousand miles away, and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. I immediately called his mom back to find that the accident was even worse than I had thought. Nick had a broken leg, broken ribs, a punctured lung, possible internal bleeding, and a contusion on his spleen. In my mind I thanked my junior year anatomy teacher for giving me some medical knowledge so that I knew what all of this meant. I knew it was serious and could potentially turn really bad. If the surgery didn’t go well, there was a chance he might not make it.
I tried to remember the last thing I had said to Nick, but my head was spinning and I couldn’t think. Did I tell him I loved him? Had I said everything I wanted to say? I tried to remember Monday night when I had gone to see him before my trip. We sat in his living room, talking to his mom about him getting a motorcycle.
“There’s no way Nick,” his mom had said. “I do not want you riding down the highway on a bike. You’re too much of a daredevil.”
He definitely would never get that motorcycle now. I remember kissing him goodbye and saying I’d see him Saturday. I never thought I’d be going to the hospital to see him. I had talked to him on the phone the night before the accident, but I couldn’t even remember what we talked about. I racked my brain for any memory of the conversation, but my mind was blank. I hoped I had said everything I wanted to say; what if I never got the chance again?
My friends tried to comfort me, but it was to no avail. Families walked past me and smiled, a little boy ran by with cotton candy, and the overall mood of Disney stayed the same, but I started crying. I couldn’t believe that this would happen while I was away. I was almost mad at him for getting in to the accident; how could he let this happen when I wasn’t there to be with him? So many emotions rushed through me at once: anger, sadness, despair, helplessness. I just wanted to get on a plane and go home to be with him, but I couldn’t. I had to hold back my tears so that I didn’t ruin the entire trip for my friends. I wanted them to have fun, even if it was almost impossible for me to.
I wiped the tears from my face and got in line for Big Thunder Mountain with my friends. They laughed and screamed, but I sat in silence. All I could think of was Nick, lying on a cold operating table, not having any idea what was happening to him. I went through the motions with my friends, but on the inside I was a wreck, worrying about my boyfriend. I kept my phone by my side at all times, waiting for his mom’s phone calls to give me updates. He made it out of surgery okay, but then the doctor’s were concerned about the internal bleeding. His blood count was extremely low, and it wasn’t going back up. All I could think of was that he wasn’t going to make it and I was going to be here, a thousand miles away. I counted down the minutes until we would return home.
I tried to stay strong for my friends for the rest of the trip and I think I did it pretty well. I may not have been happy, but I tried to hide how I was truly feeling. I tried my best to survive Magic Kingdom on Thursday and then again on Friday, but the time seemed to drag on. Saturday finally came, and I couldn’t wait to get on the plane and go home to Nick. I hadn’t been able to talk to him at all since the accident; his mom said that his lips were extremely cut up and it was too difficult for him to talk. I rushed my friends to the bus stop so that we would be sure to get to the airport on time. We were on time to the bus stop, but everything that could have gone wrong did.
We were supposed to be on the 3:30 bus to the airport, but there was no 3:30 bus. We had to wait until 5 for the bus to come, and our flight was at 7; it was a 45 minute bus ride. We weren’t going to make it. I couldn’t believe that this had all gone so wrong. Once we finally got on the bus, I completely let go of everything I had held in the whole trip. I cried the entire trip to the airport, in front of everyone on the bus. At any other time I would have been so embarrassed, but at this point I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I just wanted to get home to Nick so badly, and it seemed like everything and everyone was trying to stand in my way. I prayed to God that we would make this flight. Then a thunderstorm started. I have a huge fear of flying, and I couldn’t believe we would be taking off in this weather. I continued asking God to help us to get on this plane, and now I added the plea that we would make it home safely.
After all that had gone wrong, we actually made the flight. It was one of the worst flights I had ever been on, with rough turbulence and lightning bolts seemingly right outside the window. Once we were on the ground in Boston, I thanked God for letting us make it back. I was finally home and could go to the hospital to see Nick. I wanted to be with him so badly, but at the same time I was scared to see him in such bad condition. I had never known anyone who had gotten that hurt, and I knew it was going to be extremely difficult to go to the hospital.
I never could have prepared myself for what I was about to be faced with. When I walked into his tiny hospital room, he had all kinds of tubes attached to him and machines monitoring his blood count and breathing. I just sat next to him in silence, because he couldn’t really talk.
The only thing he said was, “Hallie, you better not cry.”
I held back my tears for him, because I knew my crying would just make the situation worse. I sat in the uncomfortable chair next to his bed, not knowing what to say or do. His mom and step-dad said they wanted to give us some time together, so they left to get something to eat. I didn’t want to show it, but I was scared to be alone with him. What if something happened while I was sitting there? I was so nervous. I sat in silence as he drifted in and out of sleep, occasionally waking up and staring at me, not remembering I was there. I changed the cool cloth on his forehead every twenty minutes like his mom had instructed, running it under the sink. It was difficult to see him in this tiny, dark room, with nurses rushing in and out, but in a way I felt relieved. It made me feel better just to sit there by him and not be a thousand miles away, wondering what was happening.
My first few visits with Nick were tough, but as the days went by, he slowly got better. When they stopped giving him morphine, he would say a few things and was awake more. The cuts on his lips were healing, and he could talk more and more as they healed. After about a week, he was moved out of the intensive care unit and into pediatrics. By this time he was finally talking and back to his normal self. He was released from the hospital after ten days and the doctors said with physical therapy, he would eventually be fully healed.
When I first boarded the plane for my trip to Disneyworld, I never thought that I would get that phone call from Nick’s mom. We always try not to expect the worst, and there’s no way to prepare for when it does happen. This experience has shown me that you have to make the most of every moment of your life. Life is fragile and can be taken away in an instant. We can’t live in fear of the unexpected, but we must take advantage of second we have. Never hold anything back and always say what you feel; you never know what tomorrow could bring.

A Sea of Memories

The ocean has never looked so lonely. As I sit here staring out onto the miles of sea and sky, I can’t help but feel like there is no one in this world who cares about me. The ocean looks black, like a sea of asphalt. When I was a child, I remember the ocean being the brightest blue I had ever seen, shining in the sunlight. Now the sun doesn’t shine down on me; the sky is gray and covered with clouds, so that no blue is at all visible. I feel like I’m seeing everything in shadows, without any real colors; it’s almost as if God has dimmed down the lights. Shapes and sounds all blur together, except for the gentle lapping of the waves.
I never thought that something that usually makes people feel so alive and happy could make me feel so meaningless and alone. I used to love the beach. Elizabeth and I came here frequently and would just quietly gaze at the ocean together. I never had these feelings when I was with her; then again, I never did what I’ve done now when I was with her. We loved each other. She said that we would be together forever, that she’d never leave me. I had never been so happy. But she was wrong. I lost her about a year ago. I feel like I’m nothing without her. I wonder what she would think of me at this moment; she and God are probably up there talking about me right now. I’ll never see her again because I don’t deserve to go heaven. God will never forgive me for what I’ve done.
As I dig my hands deep into the sand, a million thoughts are running through my brain and I can’t make them stop. I just keep remembering times that were better, times when I was happy. My birthday party in third grade when I got the guitar that I wanted so badly; my first kiss that night at the movies when I was 14; when I got my acceptance letter to college and how proud my parents had looked. I know they’re not proud of me anymore; they’ll never look at me like that again. What have I done to myself? I know that things weren’t going so well, but I made my problems drastically worse.
I don’t even deserve to be here anymore. If I died here on this beach, would anyone even care? They’d probably be happy and say I deserved it. The waves could come up and wash me away, and I’m sure no one would miss me. I throw a rock into the water and watch it sink down in to the dark abyss. At this moment, I think that the rock may have a more purposeful existence than I do. Without the woman I love, I feel helpless.
I remember the exact moment that I met Elizabeth Thompson. I was sitting in biology class in my junior year of college when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and my heart dropped in to my stomach; she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
“Could I borrow a pencil?” she asked. My palms started to sweat.
“Sure, as long as you return it,” I replied. I was trying to be funny, but she didn’t look amused.
“Of course, thanks,” she answered, rolling her eyes. She must have thought I was such a jerk. I wanted her to like me so badly, and I did everything I could to change her impression of me. The next day, I left a box of pencils on her desk, tied with a pink bow. She smiled as I turned back to see her reaction. The next day I left a single red carnation.
“You’re trying too hard, you know,” she said. “If you want to ask me out, just ask.” I couldn’t believe she had been so blunt. My face turned bright red and I didn’t know what to say. Finally I worked up the courage to answer.
“Yeah, I was wondering if you’d maybe want to catch a movie and go to dinner on Friday,” I said. It felt like my heart stopped as I waited for her reply.
“Sounds like fun. Pick me up at seven?”
“Okay, it’s a date,” I replied.
It was by far the best date I had ever been on. From the moment that I touched her hand, I knew there was a spark between us. I had never felt such an immediate connection like this before. We even left the movie early because we wanted to have more time to just sit and talk. I didn’t want the night to end. When I stood on her front porch that night and slowly kissed her, I knew that I would never find another girl like Elizabeth.
After we had been dating for about a year, I knew that I wanted Elizabeth to be my wife; I couldn’t have imagined spending my life with anyone else. On Christmas Eve in our apartment, I got down on one knee beneath the tree and sparkling lights and asked Elizabeth to marry me. She didn’t even take a breath before she responded yes and jumped in to my arms. This was the happiest moment of my life. I was going to grow old with the most amazing girl I’d ever met; I loved her more than words could describe. I couldn’t wait to live out the great life that we were going to share together.
Then I got the phone call. It was four months into our engagement and it all seems like a daze now that I look back on it. I answered the phone, and the moment the voice on the other line began to speak, I knew something was wrong. All I heard was “Sir… fiancé… drunk driver… sorry.” The phone fell from my hands. I couldn’t even cry at that point; I couldn’t even make a sound. The one thing that I loved the most had been ripped away from me. I rushed to the scene of the accident to find Elizabeth’s car lying in a ditch. The EMTs pushed a stretcher covered by a white sheet. I knew exactly what was under that cloth. I fell to my knees on the wet ground. Lights flashed. Sirens roared. People were running past me. The world around me continued. My world came to a halt.
Everything was out of my control and my whole world came spiraling down. Every day I just realized more and more what I’d lost. I’d never hold her again; I’d never see her walking down the aisle on her father’s arm; we’d never have the bright future that we were looking forward to. Every song I heard reminded me of her and every place and object brought back some memory. I missed her so much and wanted her back more than anything, but at the same time, I just wanted the pain to stop.
Now that I look back, I know I should have lived in her memory and tried to make her proud, but I did the polar opposite. I did absolutely everything wrong. I drank away my problems every night and woke up the next morning having no idea what I’d done the night before. I had a full scholarship to Harvard Medical School in the fall, but I threw it all away. I was kicked out about six months after Elizabeth’s death; I began failing all my classes and picking fights with teachers and students. I was told my attendance was no longer required. My friends and parents tried to help me, but I just shut them all out. I spent my nights sitting at bars, giving the bartender a horrible attitude, and eventually getting kicked out. All my days blended together. I worked at a convenience store most of the day and went to the bars at night. It’s pretty amazing how quickly I went from a Harvard student to a drunken nobody.
I was doing some bad things, but nothing could ever compare to the horrible thing I did last night. I was at O’Hara’s, one of my usual bars, when I saw one of my old friends from college. As he walked over towards me, I tried to avoid eye contact.
“Hey man, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you in ages.”
“I’m fine,” I replied abruptly. I hoped he’d take a hint and leave me alone, but he didn’t.
“I know you’ve been going through some rough times lately. Pam and I have been worried about you. After Elizabeth died you…”
“Just stop. I’m done talking,” I replied angrily as I began to walk out. He wouldn’t quit. He followed me out of the bar.
“Come on, will you just listen to me? I want to help,” he shouted after me. “Anything you need, money, counseling, a place to stay, I’ll give it to you. You just need to forget about the past…” I just wanted to get away from him. He brought back memories of Elizabeth; she and I frequently went out with him and his wife, Pam, and the memories swirled around in my mind. I could picture the four of us sitting at dinner, snacking on appetizers and laughing at each other’s corny jokes. Why did he get to be happy with his wife, but I had lost Elizabeth? It wasn’t fair.
I continued to walk away, but he followed me. He ran up to me and grabbed my shoulders, trying to get his point across. I couldn’t take it. A moment of complete rage overcame me and I slammed him up against the wall. I gripped his neck tightly until he was gasping for breath. By the time I had let go, it was too late. His limp body lay on the cold, wet cement and I could only stare at what I had done. I had known I was not the greatest person, but I never imagined I would be able to kill someone. As my rage subsided, I began to think. He had a wife and a son. He was trying to help me and I ended his life forever. What right did I have to do that? I’m not even human. I just left him, lying there, staring up into the sky with an indescribable look on his face. Like a coward, I got into my car and drove away.
I don’t think I was really running from the police. I knew there would be plenty of evidence and that I was going to get caught, but I just couldn’t stand there and face what I had done. I stopped at this beach, where Elizabeth and I had come on cool summer nights. I thought that by stopping here, I would rekindle happy memories of her and I and I could at least sit in peace until the police found me. However, I was wrong. I can just think of how ashamed she would be of me. She would never condone the horrific crime I’ve committed, and I know that I’m not worthy of her anymore.
I’m back to sitting here, staring out into the nothingness. I can hear the sirens coming. Most would think I’d be scared of going to jail and maybe even dying myself, but I’m not at all. I have no feeling anymore, unless emptiness is a feeling. The only thing I can think of is the people I’ve let down, all the people that I’ve hurt: My mom and dad, who had once been so proud of me, Elizabeth, who I had loved more than anything, and this man’s family, who I had left fatherless. I see the policemen running closer to me along the sand. I want them to take me; I know prison is where I belong.
I take one last look at the ocean; it looks so lonely, but I know that I don’t deserve to see the beauty in it, or anything else, ever again. The lapping of the waves seems to soften as my hands are brought behind my back. As my handcuffs are secured and rights read, I remember how I had it all. Losing the woman I loved changed my life, but it never had to get to this point. Elizabeth was taken from me and I wasn’t strong enough. I could have paddled against the strong currents in my life, but I only let the tide wash me away.

Run Away

She blankly gazed out the frosted window,
snow covered trees whizzed by.
She thought her past was miles behind her,
but distance doesn’t erase memories.

The night sky contrasted the white glistening snow
like her past to her future.
All she had done, all she had known, who she had been,
all slowly faded as the train sped along the tracks.

She had run away from everything
like a rabbit from a hungry wolf.
Her face was stoic and composed,
but her insides twisted like writhing snakes.

She sat upright and tightly squeezed her eyes shut,
her eyelids curtains hiding what truly laid behind them.
She clutched the arm rest firmly,
a cold metal best friend that would never betray her as some others had.

She had left him behind, the man she loved.
She would never see his sweet smile dance across his face,
feel his soft embrace warmly surrounding her,
or hear his soothing voice whispering her name.

But there was another side to him.
The firm hand that smacked against her cheek,
the tight grip that yanked her arm back,
and the rough push that sent her to the floor.

She wanted to forget him,
erase every memory in the chalkboard of her mind.
She thirsted for a new start
to be reborn into a different and better life.

But as hard as she tried,
she could never forget.

A Sister's Love

You know that I’m always here for you.
I’m by your side no matter what you do.
We’ve weathered many storms together
and the bond we share will last forever.

I have watched you learn and watched you grow.
When you were five I taught you how to throw.
I knew you always looked up to me
so I tried to be the best I could be.

Like a wise mother bird in the spring
I have tried to teach you everything;
all that I have learned over the years
so maybe I could spare you a few tears.

We talked about boys, mom, dad and friends
and about how relationships can end.
I wanted you to know more than I had
so others wouldn’t hurt or make you sad.

We grow closer as the years go by.
I want you to know I will always try
to give you my help when you need it;
like a marathon runner, I won’t quit.

I know that our love will never endbecause you’re more than my sister, you’re my best friend.

Nature's True Beauty

The sea breeze caresses my face,
the cool salt water laps against my toes.
Seagulls shriek and glide through the air,
swooping down into the water.
I see the beauty that God has given us.

I look upon the towering mountain
and the glistening lake below.
Young ducks follow their mother,
intently mimicking her every move.
I see the beauty that God has given us.

The auburn and golden leaves of autumn
rustle and crunch beneath my feet.
A hawk hovers above me.
I catch a flash of her yellow eye.
I see the beauty that God has given us.

I lay upon the cool damp grass
and gaze at the night sky, speckled with stars.
I hear the low hoot of an owl
somewhere far off in the distance.
I see the beauty that God has given us.

Watching A Woman

Wearing a black and white shirt with black pants
Crazy zig zag pattern; chaotic
Blondish hair, starting to turn gray
Motherly looking
Small black purse
Sitting alone, eating food slowly
Eating all her food, didn't leave anything on her plate
Looks like a teacher or someone smart
Married with kids and maybe grandkids
talking on her cell phone
Nice woman; someone who is easily approachable
If I had to ask for directions, I'd ask her
Looks like she would be environmentally friendly
Flaw: controlling
Controlling over her husband and children; always trying to keep tabs on them
Wants to have control over everything in her life: marriage, job
Very hard working but sometimes takes it too far

Nature and Family Relationships

My relationship with my sister is like a blooming flower
We were not always close, but now our relationship is blooming and blosoming
The petals of the flower open like how she is starting to open up to me and share more with me
Flowers get more and more beautiful as they grow just like our relationship gets better and better as it grows
A yellow flower symbolizes friendship and new relationships
Bright colors mean a bright future
Flowers open up and grow closer to the sun; our relationship is opening up and moving towards the future